I considered blogging about my first birth experience just days after it had occurred. I later decided…. It was such a beautiful experience that I didn’t think I had digested it enough to even begin to do it justice…This is my attempt at giving you a peek into what it is like on the other side of a birth. There’s a lot of fear & unknown surrounding birth in this generation. Rightfully so. However, I hope to take some of that negativity out of the birth world and instead share with you the happiness, the intensity and the raw emotions that makes each birth unique. So whether you’re a first time mom reading this, a future client, an aspiring Doula, or just here for the read; I hope I can do this birth justice in my own words and everyone can take away something positive from this experience!
I had been anxiously awaiting for this birth as it was my very first. I had never saw a birth in person before, only online. Of course I was there at my own birth, but that hardly compared to watching another woman’s birth story unfold. After all of the reading I had been doing & trying to remember all of the best positions, memorize encouraging birth affirmations, & any last ditch effort to REMEMBER EVERYTHING, I felt unsure. There were thoughts that maybe this mama would go into labor early just like with her first born. As nature would have it though; this little guy decided he was cozy & just wasn’t finished until one day past his estimated due date. Personally, I felt like it was the perfect time to prepare. These two expectant parents (whom I developed a lovely friendship with) shared with me; their time, their honesty, their effort, their gratitude, their home & more often than not, their food… double bonus there! They trusted me & welcomed me into one of the most intimate and sacred experiences that I had only ever heard of. They were aware that they would be my very first clients. Still, we all agreed that we were a good match & proceeded.
Being hired kind of late in the game, meant I needed to really push myself. We ended up being able to meet 3 times, do a tour of the local birth center together & shared a few (slightly rowdy with two little boys playing together) lovely evenings getting to know each other a little more, hear about their past birth experiences & what they were expecting from this one. During this time I had taken an online workshop to learn to use a Rebozo. Which they willingly (ok, with little question) let me share with them ways they could use this clever old school knowledge to enhance pain relief in her labor. There was a lot of laughs, tasty treats & I was WORKING! Seriously, I had a blast doing my job and in the end I gained new friends! Enough of me though…
The day had come, I received a text message at about 6:20 in the morning saying that this goddess was in labor! *Happy Dance* I spoke with the dad-to-be over the phone to see how things were progressing, that’s when I decided I’d really like to see her in person to see how she was coping in early labor. I had enough time to shower, eat, get my kid ready, dropped off to the sitter and my things loaded up! <<< This went a lot smoother than I had actually even planned on. [Thanks to Skye]. I was excited, nervous & my mind was racing. This was the moment they had waited for 10 months for & here I was at my very first birth. Feeling a little unconfident, and trying to drown that out with positive thoughts! It was a moment we had all waited for. It was even more anticipation to find out what they would be naming this little brother! I arrived at their house to find this mama working through it like a total rock star! I was unsure if I should have stayed, I didn’t want to interrupt the process. She probably needed to rest, but she was anxious! I was convinced to stay though with a good ol’ classic film & lunch! We shared more laughs together, used the rebozo during some of her contractions, chatted, did some massaging & counter pressure techniques. She shared that she felt like his head was in her hip, so she did a lot of position changes to ensure he was in the perfect spot to keep labor progressing normally. She was still laughing at her hubby’s corny… Er, hilarious jokes. She was trying to eat a little food & stay hydrated. Around 1 pm (after 7 hours of laboring at home) she decided she felt ready to go to the hospital. Her husband called ahead to let them know she would be arriving soon. We loaded up quickly & we were off!
It was a pretty standard check in at the hospital; questions, paper work, urine samples, changing clothes, monitoring, and discussing the birth plan. We hung up an inspiration board that this mama spent time making. Complete with a 9 Step plan to implement before making a final decision on medication for pain relief. We hung a mandala, a beautiful picture of a flower that she drew & her birth plan that I have since recommended to others (thanks to her). The nursing staff was wonderful about acknowledging her wishes & implementing them [within policy] throughout her labor. After monitoring her baby for 20 minutes, she was ready to get labor moving along in the jetted tub! This is where I started to really experience the awe of a labor that had been progressing normally & mostly unhindered. The water really seemed to help the labor pains she was experiencing in her back & the front of her thighs. It also kicked labor back into high gear! After 30 minutes of being in the tub they requested she get out so they could monitor the baby’s heart rate again. Instead of laying in the bed, she made use of a birthing stool placed next to her bed where we could help provide counter pressure & massage, while she sat in a squat-like position. I was so inspired by her ability to maintain focus & work through each contraction. After 20 minutes of monitoring they couldn’t get an accurate measurement of baby’s heart rate so they wanted to do another 30 minutes of monitoring to be sure. I recommended doing this in the bed so that they had the chance to get a more accurate reading so she could get back into the tub. It was obvious that she wasn’t loving being in the bed, but they got a clear reading of the baby’s heart rate & back she went to the Jacuzzi room. It was fun to see what I had only read about or heard about with using hydrotherapy during labor. Her labor progressed even more intensely after this second round. She was starting around the curve into the Second stage of labor at this point. There was a calm that filled the room while her hubby & I tried to remain quiet and provide hands on pain relief. He was great at keeping her laughing throughout most of her labor. Something that gets the Oxytocin flowing & gets rid of the nervous energy. It was at this time that it became a very touching moment for me. I knew that there was an intimacy in labor & birth; even for other support persons, but I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. That is until I gazed into the eyes of this laboring goddess mama & we locked eyes for what felt like a long time. It was a curious experience because it was like she was off in another land, but there she was… staring into my eyes. In this moment I felt overwhelmed with honor to be witnessing the birth of another human life.
Thirty minutes came & went seemingly fast. She wasn’t in a hurry to get out of the tub, but with support she was able to make it back to her room for another round of monitoring. Being in the bed likely increased the pain for her some, but we supported her with counter pressure, leg massage, and hand/feet massage. We kept the lights dim, our voices low, she kept her bladder emptied and her music on. As she progressed further into labor I saw a woman who was starting to let her guard down & feel vulnerable. I tried to remind her to breathe her baby down, encouraged her to relax & let each contraction come as I kept massaging her legs. I felt like it wouldn’t be long. Maybe she was feeling scared, maybe not. It wasn’t me so I cannot say, but even if she was she sure did a wonderful job of working THROUGH the fear. This was the turning point for me in really understanding the phrase commonly used; “Birth work is a work of your heart, your intuition & your hands.” As she began to move into this “dreamy” state & let her guard down, I began to stop thinking so clinically. I turned my brain down from high gear, tuned into this mama, & really began to focus on her. The moment when I quit thinking of all of the different tools to help and I just tuned into her almost immediately I felt a sense of connection with her. This is the very moment I felt transformed into a Doula.
After about 12 hours of labor she was coming around the second stage curve and into transition. She started to feel tired, I sensed some fear & maybe a little discouragement. At this point she said the “Secret Word” she came up with for when she was serious about getting an epidural. We tried to reassure her, offered different things including; using her 9 step plan, but she wanted the epidural. She asked me if I thought she shouldn’t get the anesthesia, but I reminded her that this was HER birth. This wasn’t about what I thought she should do. It was about what she felt was right for her. This was a mother who was moving forward with FULL informed consent and making a decision based on her knowledge… That to me, is an empowered woman. We contacted the nurse to let her know so that she could get the ball rolling. It would still be about another half hour before the anesthesiologist arrived. It was during the waiting period that I really started to see this woman’s strength. It was almost as if a veil of relief washed over her just knowing that she would have some pain relief. It seemed to me like this decision unconsciously lifted her spirits about her decision and she was handling the waves of contractions even better. Finally the anesthesiologist arrived with the epidural.
She sat head to head with her spouse to have the epidural placed. You could feel the love radiating between the two of them. It was so sweet to experience. After the epidural was placed, it started to take the edge off. However, she reported feeling like it wasn’t working quite well. She still had full use of her legs and was experiencing the tightening and pain of each contraction, just slightly less than before. I recommended we keep her moving around in the bed in order to prevent the labor from slowing down. We repositioned her every 15-20 minutes or so. With the epidural she was able to get small moments of rest, hydrated with some fluids by mouth, and we could still use massage, acupressure, and counter pressure. Her husband played the biggest role here though…. He was holding her, loving on her, singing to her, moaning with her, & saying such encouraging words. He really was in the moment with her. Not long after, she began to get more uncomfortable and started to feel pressure. So I shared with her that I thought we should get her flipped on her other side. She agreed. While holding up one leg on my side & allowing her to press against my body, her water broke! Once the staff was alerted they knew it was time to get ready. I had no idea it would progress much faster after this. They called the Doctor in & got the room set up. She began to push without direction or anyone shouting at her to push or counting the seconds. Although the epidural was in place, she was still blessed with the ability to feel the natural ejection reflex where the body can (and does) push the baby out with less effort than pushing before you feel ready. She was able to push effectively, maintain control, & worked right through the “ring of fire.” Her husband standing on one side of her and I on the other, we kept a cool cloth on her head & held her hand. We were merely bystanders at this point, observing a miracle. She did it. After 14 hours of hard work, she gave birth to this beautiful, calm, and quiet little soul. My heart instantly melted. It was like the Universe stops for just this small moment in time to allow everyone the time to welcome this new life. I was so proud of her strength and so grateful for this opportunity.
It was time for me to step back & let the family bond. I observed from the couch, the love of a family that welcomed this new life earth side…
**Checking in at a postpartum visit about 2 weeks later, this mama was looking fantastic, feeling great, breastfeeding without struggles, & settling into a mother of 2 quite well. She was still glowing and greeted me with a big hug that made my day! Reflecting back on it all, I am inspired, encouraged, and more passionate than ever to provide support to all of the future women that cross my path. I will never forget this family or their experience that they allowed me to share with them.
I came home that evening to my family, still feeling the rush of the birth and rubbed my Happy Buddha’s, Belly…. Here’s to many more satisfying and positive outcomes. Here’s to changing the world one birth at a time!