I am normally an out-of-hospital birthing momma that has a preference for birthing at home but in 2016 while being a surrogate for my lovely friends we decided that, for this particular birth, hospital was the route we wanted! Once you have birthed outside of the hospital and experience the freedom to listen to your own body instead of following “hospital policy” it’s hard to go back to thinking about birthing the way I once did in a hospital setting.
So we made the decision that we wouldn’t.
We wouldn’t settle for the drive-through-window experience that is often birth in the US. I stayed upright and moved as my body wished, I ate and my nurses happily spoiled me with food, I wore my favorite maternity dress that made me feel comfortable, I didn’t feel a loss of control over my body at any moment, the staff actually READ my birth plan and knew it! Not once did anyone offer to check me or offer me pain meds (as per my birth preference paper requests). The staff and my lovely Midwife, Annie, stood back and followed my lead. I also gave birth to baby squatting on our hospital room floor while hanging from the squat bar.
This wasn’t some unicorn birth, this birth is possible to ANYONE! You CAN have the experience that you may think is only available to home birthing women! I had what I consider to be a perfect birth minus my own bed and comfort of home lol! Here are some tips that can help!
1. Choosing your provider with your birth experience in mind.
This is definitely number one for a reason. The provider you choose can definitely determine the birth you have. There are so many kind, caring, nice providers in this area but while these are great qualities they are not the ONLY things you are looking for in a health care provider. As a Doula I have worked with most providers in this area and the mass majority are amazing people! They got into this profession because they love helping women! While this is great, I can’t stress enough that there is MORE that we are looking for. First, look at your birth preferences, then make sure that your provider is not only on board but supportive of these preferences. Birth can sometimes be unpredictable and when different situations arise we must be willing to compromise but in the scenario where the labor/birth is uncomplicated and low-risk does your provider support your wishes?
To read about our favorite in-hospital providers click here!
2. Have informed “backup” plans for each possible scenario.
Yes, we all prefer that smooth and hang-up free birth with no surprises and no change-of-plans but sometimes we are thrown a curveball. What are your preferences if you test positive for Group B strep? In the rare case of a cesarean, what are your preferences? These curve balls do not mean that we no longer have options. You have options in ALL birth scenarios! Learn them!
3. Have extremely open communication with your birth team.
I feel like sometimes, as moms, we can have a hard time being blunt and honest with our providers. We can sometimes feel shy or nervous making our wishes known but this is SO important!!! How can our providers help us the way we want if they don’t know what we want? Also, before we can properly gauge if they are the right providers for us, we must see how they feel about all of our preferences. “Going in blind” is leaving yourself open for surprises on your big day!
I went to my Midwife, Annie, with a list of my needs. Some were very important and some were less important but I told her ALL if them. She never stopped smiling and said “well, of course!” after my looong list. This doesn’t have to be a big scary thing!
4. Never be afraid to change providers if it’s not love.
Ask any mother who has changed providers mid-pregnancy and they will tell you that not only was it easy, it was necessary for them and they were happy they did it! We have this preconceived notion that once we hire someone that it is a permanent thing. That changing providers will completely turn our world upside-down and will cause much grief. This is so incorrect. In fact, changing providers is quick and painless! You may need to fill out some “new client” forms but that’s the extent of the trouble! Never be afraid to leave a situation with a provider that’s working against you instead of FOR you. Remember YOU hire your birth team. They work for you!
5. Walk into your birth informed and confident in your body’s ability to birth.
Your Doula will do an amazing job and giving all the fact-based information you would like about anything your heart desires! Your Doula knows that with education comes confidence. We want you to have the evidence to back up your knowledge and with this comes power. Your body already knows how to birth this baby, our job is to help you discover this and to realize the powerful and wise birthing goddess you are!
You want to eat in labor? We will show you the new recommendations in favor of this from the World Health Organization.
You want to squat while pushing? We will show you evidence on birthing positions!
You want your Doula with you at all times? We will show you the ACOG recommendation in favor of Doulas!
Knowledge is power!
6. Don’t feel that you need to settle for 1 or 2 requests just because you are birthing in a hospital.
These amazing, raw, primal experiences aren’t just for out-of-hospital births! You can still do most of the things that your friends do while birthing at home with the right mindset, knowledge, and team behind you! Many women will think “I’d love to eat and birth out of bed but my main concern is to birth naturally. I’ll only focus on my most important requests and let the others go since I can’t be too picky.” Why can’t you be picky? Why don’t you deserve the same experience?
Guess what? You do! I’m not saying it will be easy to find the right birth team to help you achieve this but it’s definitely possible! Don’t settle for less than you deserve!
