Congratulations! You’re PREGNANT! It may take a while for the reality to set in after seeing that little pink plus, but once you realize what’s coming you begin to wonder “WHAT DO I NEED TO GET?!” Suddenly you find yourself gravitating towards the baby section of every department store you enter. Magically, your social media is filled with ads for baby products. Your mail becomes regularly flooded with coupons and magazines. Everywhere you look the world seems to be reminding you that babies need a lot of STUFF. So you turn to the people you trust; your friends and family. The moment you ask, you start to wish you hadn’t. You never realized until now that EVERY little thing is up for debate.
Huggies versus Pampers… Mam versus Nuk…Tommee Tippee versus Dr. Brown’s… Moby versus Ergobaby…Chicco versus Graco…
Breastfeed or formula feed? Cloth diapers or disposables? Sleep sacks or swaddles? Wrap or carrier? What’s necessary? What’s useless?
And then there are the trends…. Nose Frida, Dot-A-Tot, Owlet, White Noise Machine, Amber Teething Necklaces… are they worth the hype?
Let me tell you what. It might “look good” or “feel nice” to get your baby the top of the line products and to have a fully stocked nursery with all the things. But here’s the reality: your baby will not know or care how much stuff or how many fancy accessories they have. Your baby has very basic needs. They need to be fed, clothed, cleaned, loved and comforted. They need a safe place to sleep and a safe means for travel. THAT’S IT.
Now there is someone in the mix of all of this who has very specific needs and desires that are often overlooked. That person is YOU. The parent. The amazing vessel and powerful being who will bring this baby into the world and spend the rest of their life making sure everyone else’s needs are met.
Pregnancy, birth and postpartum are all very special experiences that all happen very quickly. Just as soon as you become pregnant, you become a parent. You LOVE your baby. Your every waking thought is your baby and what you should be doing to prepare for his or her arrival. It would be crazy to think for a moment that you need to take care of yourself as well! Why would you? Not only is your baby your whole world from now on, but it seems to be what everyone else is focused on too.
They say it takes a village to raise a child…but really it takes a village to care for a mother as she raises her children; because as a parent, you won’t be thinking of yourself and your needs first. Your partner, your loved ones and your community will need to have your back and be available to lift you up when you need it.
I could go on and list probably hundreds of baby products and “must haves” but after two pregnancies as a single, low income mother I know what we all really WANT. After becoming educated in birth work and as a doula, I know what we all really NEED and what will leave a bigger impact than how many onesies your baby will outgrow before they get a chance to wear them and how many “must have” baby items you will never use.
If you are like I was when I was pregnant, you may think of some of these things as “luxury” items. People might frown upon them and think of them as “unnecessary”. But I assure you, the things on this list are much more necessary than a tricked out nursery or high tech baby monitor. The things on this list are for YOU and your experience in this life changing event. You DESERVE each and every one of these. If the people who care about you and your future baby genuinely want you to have a positive experience, they will gladly take that $50 they would have spent on high end baby products and put it towards one of these MUST HAVE ITEMS:
1. A DOULA
By now you have most likely heard the term “doula” in relation to pregnancy and birth. If you haven’t, a doula is a support person. They are trained to provide physical, emotional and informational support to families on their journey to parenthood. A doula can help in many ways. (I’ll have another blog up shortly about what EXACTLY doulas do). Doulas are an amazing gift to parents who are expecting. They will be there prenatally, during birth and some doulas also offer postpartum care. Depending on your area, a doula will charge anywhere between $300-$1500 for their services for birth and anywhere from $20-$50 per hour for postpartum. Many doulas offer payment plans, have registries on their websites or gift certificates. Interview several doulas to find a good match and to get a price quote, then let your friends and family know your plans to hire a doula and include a fund for doula services on your registry.
2. PHOTOGRAPHY
Pregnancy, birth and baby beginnings are very special experiences. Capturing these precious moments in photo and video is a very new practice, but SO worth it. Looking back on photos from my experiences is one of my greatest treasures. Although these life changing events are major and memorable, our human minds are imperfect and we so easily forget the details. Types of photography you may want to have once you become pregnant include maternity, birth, fresh 48 and newborn. Every session serves a different purpose and shows a different part of your journey. Birth photography can range from $500-$2000 depending on your area. Browse around some local photographer’s websites and choose the work that speaks to you most. Get a quote and let your friends and family know that you plan on hiring a photographer and include a fund for photography on your registry.
3. CHILDBIRTH CLASSES
Education in pregnancy to help prepare for birth is HUGE right now and can be so helpful for new parents to know what to expect and be ready to make choices in the birth space. There are several different types of classes available for expecting families. There are classes specific to labor and birth preparation as well as classes on breastfeeding and newborn care. Classes can range from workshops that are a few hours long to full courses that occur over several weeks. Price can vary. Research childbirth classes in your area and choose one that will benefit you the most. Let your friends and family know that you are planning to take a childbirth class (or several!) to prepare for your new baby. Include a fund for education on your registry!
4. PRENATAL MASSAGE
Most of us understand the aches and pains that come with a pregnant body. So many changes are taking place and everything is stretching and expanding. It can get pretty uncomfortable. One of my personal favorite services available for pregnancy is MASSAGE. Some people get nervous and wonder if the wrong move could possibly harm baby or induce labor. Prenatal massage includes extra knowledge, techniques and tools. Some massage therapists specialize in prenatal care specifically. They know a lot about the human body and all the changes that occur during pregnancy. They also know what position to put you in so that you are comfortable and some even have special massage tables or cushions to make it possible and safe to lay face down! Check around your area for a good massage therapist that offers prenatal massage. Find out if they offer gift certificates (most do or can accommodate) and include that on your registry!
5. BREASTFEEDING CARE ITEMS
If you are planning to breastfeed, you will start finding out that there can be A LOT to it. In general, bringing baby to breast often and establishing a good latch are the keys to breastfeeding. When you add in pumping, storing breast milk, bottle feeding, mixed feeding and other factors things get a little more complicated. Then there are occasionally bumps in the road to prepare for like sore nipples, engorgement, or mastitis. Breastfeeding is slowly becoming more normalized, but for some it still feels like something private. This leaves mothers dealing with all of this on their own. Don’t be afraid to ask for help! And don’t be ashamed to include items on your baby registry to help your breastfeeding journey get off to a great start and run smooth. Items to include on your registry:
Breastfeeding Care Items:
- Breast pads
- Lanolin or nipple cream
- Breast milk storage bags
- Soothing gel pads
- Extra breast pump parts
- Sanitizing products
- Nursing Cover
- Nursing Pillow
- Nursing bras/tank tops
While preparing to breastfeed, find a place in your home that is comfortable and will become your go-to nursing spot. Place a basket or caddy nearby and fill it with breastfeeding care items you’ll want easy access to, snacks and a large refillable water bottle so that you can stay hydrated.
6. POSTPARTUM CARE ITEMS
After your baby arrives, you will need (at LEAST) 6 weeks to recover from a normal vaginal delivery (8 weeks or longer for a c-section). Above all the other things going on with your new postpartum body, you are going to be tired. Good rest is going to be key to a quicker, smoother recovery. Like breastfeeding, the period of time after you give birth is still thought of as a private time. It IS a time that you will want to spend bonding with your baby and focusing on recovering and learning how to be a new parent. But there is no shame in asking for help and letting your loved ones know you need rest. You are going to want to spend most, if not all of your time at home so you’re going to want to be comfortable and have you, your baby, and your home taken care of. Here are some postpartum care items to ask for on your registry:
Postpartum Care Items:
- Large blanket
- Robe
- Cozy slippers or socks
- Body lotion or other skin care products
- Large refillable water bottle (hydration is so important!)
- Music, movies, coloring books, puzzles, or other entertainment (although you’ll be pretty busy attending baby needs or getting much needed sleep)
You can also include “shifts” for household duties on your registry that close friends or family will be happy to help with:
- “Light house cleaning” shift
- “Doing the Dishes” shift
- “Loads of Laundry” shift
- “Errand Runner” shift
- “Hold the Baby While I Nap” shift
Or whatever you can think of that will help your household run smoothly while you stay down and snuggle that new baby!
7. MEAL TRAIN
It is important during your recovery that you are well fed. If you have other little ones at home, worrying about meals can get overwhelming while trying to recover and focus on a newborn. Ask on your registry for someone to organize a meal train. Have them go to https://www.mealtrain.com/ which makes organizing meals for up to two weeks so simple. They will include how many members are in your household, your contact information and can even list what your favorite foods are and if you have any allergies or food aversions. Once created they can share it on social media and your friends, family and community can choose the day and time and list what meal they will be bringing so you can plan on their arrival. They can even schedule pizza or other meals to be delivered from local restaurants!
8. BABY STUFF
After everything listed above is included on your registry, you’ll probably be left wondering “Okay, but what about the baby!?” Like I mentioned before, babies are simple. They need to be fed, clothed, cleaned, loved and comforted. Keep it basic. Then, if there is still that fancy new baby gadget on your mind that you have to have, add it to your registry. No matter what, you will still have friends, family and neighbors who hear the news of your pregnancy and birth and you will receive gifts with all the baby basics…plus a thousand onesies.
Are you ready to create your registry? Go to https://www.babylist.com/ where you can make a registry that includes EVERYTHING. You can add things from multiple different stores such as Target, Amazon and Etsty as well as cash funds, gift certificates, help & favors and link registries from other accounts.
I hope you get everything you hope for. I’ll be wishing you a beautiful pregnancy, peaceful delivery, happy and healthy mother and baby and a smooth road to parenthood!