This started as a homework assignment. After reading through it again a couple of months later, I decided it was blog material too. It is my personal thoughts and feelings on what lead me to where I am now. I decided to tweak it a little and then to share it with all of my readers. A little glimpse inside what it means to be a Doula, to me. I hope you enjoy!
I have always been the “sensitive” type; the friend with a shoulder to lean on & a listening ear. The loyal one, the advocate for the underdog & the kind of person that feels deeply. Growing up & just until recently I thought of these traits to be overwhelming & negative. As if they were a flaw that somehow always found a way to come back & bite me in the butt. As an adult I am learning to embrace these qualities and use them to my advantage; I now consider myself as somewhat of an empath. With a deeper understanding of what that means now; I know that I have been given a gift or a tool to learn to use to fulfill my passion. To provide a service to not only the community, but to create a ripple effect throughout the nation. Not only can I provide better pregnancy and birth experiences/education and help make changes in the maternity care system, but I am most excited about the long term benefits of adequate support during the prenatal, birth and postpartum period; and the differences they can make for our future generations to come. This is my calling.
I am certifying to become a birth Doula because by the time I realized I had been mistreated & misinformed in my pregnancy, labor & birth, it was already too late. The emotional damage had already been carved deep, leaving an imprint on my soul. When I started to explore my experience, the pain and guilt that I felt burned. I started to learn more about what a normal physiological labor and birth looked like and the real risks of intervention, and I felt robbed of my experience. I felt naive. I felt sad. After being home with little support & struggling to nurse my brand new baby, I thought to myself ‘It can’t be like this for everyone. Is it?’ I reached out to online mommy groups for support. That is where I found my “tribe”, my support, my encouragement & some education. That was where I learned that I needed to reach out to a professional for help. It was then that I began to understand what a MESS our maternity system is. Read more on that here and here. From pregnancy all the way up to well past the postpartum time….
There are so many expectations of new parents, but not enough education, support or assistance. Hell, we can’t even get paid maternity leave here in the U.S. How’s a nursing mom supposed to leave her baby at 6 weeks postpartum and expect that breastfeeding will continue smoothly? How are these new moms that do get to stay home past that, supposed to afford the kind of care a mother deserves after a birth (like with a postpartum Doula)? Instead we are led to believe we should be back at the gym, in our size 5 pants, cooking, keeping up on the house, working full time, being the perfect wife, with a quiet & easily sleeping baby, while we keep filling our own cups? I see this as having been so detrimental & some of the downfall of our society. We do not have enough resources, education, support, love, or an understanding of all of our options from the time conception has occurred and throughout the childhood years.
We are blindly following medical professionals as if they have somehow got pregnancy & labor down to a “science” and only they know best about our bodies. Women are unaware of their rights as a pregnant mother and all too often, too timid to speak up for themselves. We want to believe that every medical provider (whether that be a Doctor, Nurse, Midwife, etc.) has our very best interest at heart. Truth is, they have policies to follow, insurance companies calling a lot of the shots, a lot of paperwork and a substantial demand for pregnancy/birth services. We are feeling intimidated, uneducated, and compelled to follow the norm. To give birth in a place that isn’t exactly comfortable, relaxing & suitable to allow this process to unfold simply and gradually. We have forgotten to listen to our instincts that were created to properly respond and care for our infants, all in the name of what?? We have been so disconnected from the primal nature of our being that we have created generations of misinformation, emotionally scarred mothers, fathers and children with broken bonds; violence, an innate fear of rejection, a lack of bodily autonomy, little understanding of the reproductive system, a lack of education surrounding best practice or even how to support a laboring mother to reduce the use of interventions. There are families out there that are being affected negatively by their experiences leading up to parenthood; which in the long term leads to even more dysfunctional and detrimental parenting practices. It becomes a vicious cycle.
The reason I am certifying as a Doula isn’t as simple as the question sounds. It comes from a deep passion to serve others; to comfort, to support, to stand up for what’s right, to delight in the miracle of birth and to be a guide to any healing a mother/family may need. To set a positive example, be an advocate, spread my knowledge, help facilitate big changes, and to be a source of support after the birth of the family unit. To help decrease the rates of mental illness in the postpartum period, and to bring forth more love and light. To hold the space for my fellow mothers in this community, to serve mothers that are without a support system, and most importantly to empower these life giving goddesses.
In my opinion some qualities of a good Doula would be; a person that has the ability to set aside their personal beliefs in order to adequately serve a mother & her family in the best way that this mother/family sees fit. Someone who’s aware that they can provide all of the resources & information that they want, but being understanding & compassionate when they choose to do something you wouldn’t personally opt for. If I were choosing a Doula, I would want a woman that has experienced birth herself, someone that is positive, upbeat, and funny. A well educated person that doesn’t force their biased opinions on me but also shares new or alternative information. Someone who makes me feel like we’ve been long time friends. A Doula that stands unshakeable and firm in a time of conflict, but with the ability to maintain a professional attitude. A woman who knows when to step in and be a guide or when to step back and let the events unfold. Someone that can be a listening ear & help calm the nerves of a nervous mother. Reliability, a sense of humor, empathy, and team work would also be necessary qualities as well.
As far as skills and knowledge goes, I obviously believe one should be well educated on both the medical side and the natural side of the birth process. This isn’t to say that I wouldn’t advocate for having just any support person there, who is comforting and helpful to a mother during her labor and birth. Much like a friend, family member or healthcare worker. I know that science shows that having a support person just simply observing and being a positive role model is beneficial in birth outcomes. However, I believe that for someone who is wanting to regularly attend births, she should have education and experience to back that up. The birth world and science is ever-changing, she should be up to date with the most recent & best practice! (Of course this is why I am so grateful I found BAI.) 🙂 Personally, I am glad that I have my 9 years of experience being a medical professional. I worked in the hospital setting as a patient care tech and that gave me the knowledge that I feel gives me a step up. I know what it’s like to have to be on that “side” of things. I understand that they have policies & procedures that they are required to follow. I know what it’s like to feel like your toes are being stepped on or when someone is making your job more challenging. I am here to change the stigma against Doulas, but in a more professional, team player, & supportive kind of way. Most importantly, I am hired by the mother and I am there to wholeheartedly support her during her birth.
This can help bridge the gap between the expectant parent(s) & the medical community.
Overall, I am learning that a big portion of birth work comes from your heart, your intuition, and your hands!
When I became a mother, I needed more support in the prenatal period. I needed a Doula that would have told me if I wasn’t comfortable with my care provider, I had the option to seek out another & have it be to my advantage. Someone to recommend reading material,to educate me on my options and someone that I could consider a friend. To talk to, to help relieve a lot of my stress, discomfort, and provide me with encouragement. I needed someone during my labor to help create an environment where I could have achieved my desired natural birth. Someone who could remind me of my choices with interventions, facilitate communication with the staff, had a back up birth plan handy, to stay with me so that my husband could be with our struggling baby after the birth, and to help me with my three month long struggle to breastfeed. I needed a woman companion for sure.
Having a child changed my life for the better. There is no denying that. I am forever grateful to my son for opening my eyes to a whole new world! He helped me find this work where I get to do something I am passionate about!