I have to start from the beginning: My first daughter, Aubree, was born 4 years ago, after 26 hours of labor in a local hospital, being induced, while witnessing the popular interventions of pitocin, pushing strong contractions and an epidural slowing them down. This labor was very slow, dull and frustrating, and at the time I wasn’t aware of my rights, or of all the options I had. Shortly after her being born, I started researching pregnancy and birth, and deciding that my next pregnancy, I would do things very differently.
Spring of 2016, I started out my second pregnancy under the same care of the obstetrics office that I went to with my first. I continued to stay with them for a while, even though I knew very well the plans I had for this pregnancy: an unmedicated, out of hospital birth with a midwife, but was feeling nervous to take the plunge and truly go for it. Half way through I finally transferred care and met with my midwife, Katherine, for the first time, where I immediately felt a connection and bond with this woman. She insured me this will be a powerful, magical experience, despite my huge fear of actually giving birth with zero drugs.
In the meantime, when conversation would come up about giving birth, I would confidently say how I am doing this all natural and going to be in the water birthing my baby. Then I would stay up at night panicking, crying, losing sleep, thinking “Can I really do this? Am I truly strong enough? Etc..” This went on for quite sometime, until I came to this point, and knew, that IF I am going to attempt the birth of my dreams, that I NEED to change my thinking, even if I had to “fake it, till I make it” So I built up the courage, and my intuition told me to LET GO of my fear. I took control of my emotions, and turned them into self determination. I knew I had to trust my body, and trust my baby. That we know what to do, along with all women before me, and all the women who will do this after me, I am built for this.
My due date was December 4th 2016, and on my 10th day past due, my midwife and I started working on a plan to possibly help my body get me into labor. (I was feeling nervous at this point, because legally the birth house cannot deliver babies after 14 days past their due date, so I would have to transfer care back to the OB office and deliver at the hospital) So on Wednesday Dec 14th, I agreed to do a foley balloon catheter to try and help dilate me (All while Katherine always assured me I DO NOT have to do ANYTHING I don’t want to) Luckily, when we went to do it, it was unnecessary because I was already dilated to a 4. I was given the option that if I don’t go into labor that night, then the following morning, Thursday Dec 15th my instructions would be: Wake up, eat a decent meal, drink castor oil in a milkshake, have sex, and then immediately go for a brisk 20 min walk. So that’s what we did! My fiancé Sean took the morning off to help me with this, and we waited a few hours at home. After a while, I wasn’t feeling any different so he left for work. Moving into the afternoon, with no sign of labor, or side effects from castor oil, my daughter and I went to my grandmas house to make Christmas cookies with her and my aunt.
After a few house, I started getting cramps- nothing painful, just uncomfortable. I kept saying “I really don’t think it’s labor related, but just the castor oil doing its job” but I kept track of the cramps just in case. Still, throughout the evening, they never got worse, or painful, or progressive.
At around 8 pm, I was taking a warm bath and got a call from Katherine telling me that unfortunately she is getting the flu and in case anything is to happen that her work partner, Carolee, will assist me in my birth. (Although I absolutely LOVE my midwife, any of midwives there are nothing less than amazing) but I told her, no worries, because I am NOT in labor!
At 9pm, I got my daughter to bed, laid on the couch with Sean and watched TV for a bit, until we went bed at 10pm. I laid there for a while feeling pretty defeated, and started questioning my body, and if something is wrong with me, as to why I’m not going into labor on my own. I closed my eyes, and as soon as I fell asleep, I was awoke by the most intense pain I have ever felt. This was at exactly 11:15pm. I crawled out of bed and into the bathroom, having one unusually painful contraction, followed immediately by another! By the third contraction, and only a couple minutes later, Sean called the Carolee (the on-call Midwife) where she said “Head on over here!” He (trying not to panic) ran and loaded up our bags, got Aubree out of bed and started the car to warm up. A few minutes later he came back into the bathroom, where I was now lifting myself up on the toilet, yelling “I have to poop!” (I didn’t realize yet, that it wasn’t poop that I had the urge to push out) and although I had prepared myself quite well to get through contractions- what helped me was counting. I started screaming “1!! 2!!! 3!!!… Because I knew that once I get to 30 seconds, that it would start to go away, and that this won’t last forever. Sean was begging me to get up and into the car, and I just felt like their was no way I could get clear to the car outside, and across town, so I repeatedly said “I can’t!”. At that point, he called Carolee back, and while on speakerphone her exact words were “Sean, you are bigger and stronger than her, get her in the car now” So after hearing that, it brought me back to reality and I thought “Okay, I really need to listen” I raced outside, walking right past my boots (it was snowing out) and hopped into the car. As soon as he started driving, I started bearing down in the front seat, and holding myself while starting to push! I was counting my way through the very intense contractions. We did have brief moment of laughter though, when Sean mentioned how in our birth class, the Educator described this exact kind of labor and how in the movies it always shows the couple rushing and the baby coming out, and how it is NOT like that in real life! But, in our case, it so was!
He got us to the birth house, in under 10 minutes, normally it takes 25! Everything was moving so fast, and I barely grasped onto the concept of what was happening. At exactly 12:00am I was met at the door by Carolee and I went into the birthing room and immediately to the toilet! (Again, it felt like the place I needed to be to push) She asked me if I can come lay on the bed, while she runs the bath water for me. So I got up, waddled to the bed and laid on my side. Sean stepped away for a minute to get our daughter settled in the living room area and meet my sister at the door (who was planning on being at the birth, and to help with Aubree) while I get situated in the room. The midwife sat right in front of me, stroking my cheek, giving me words of encouragement, when I hit that infamous transition time of the “I can’t” when right after that moment, I said “I’m going to push” and she smiled and said “Great! Whenever your ready!” then told the assistant to have Sean come back in the room. After everything was happening at lightening speed, time slowed way down at that second, where I finally thought to myself “Oh my God, I’m really doing this!! My baby is coming, and I am really here doing this right now!” I was on my side, I lifted my leg up and gave one big push, when they said “there’s her head!” And again, 100% in the moment, capturing it, taking it all in, and feeling so empowered and strong, knowing, I am pushing my baby out! I gave another push, and her head was out, pushed again, then her shoulders, as Carolee said “Let’s give one more and she’s here” and I gave one last push while feeling this huge rush of strength! On December 16th, 2016 at 12:15am our second daughter, Veda, had arrived! After all this time of being terrified of pushing and actually feeling a baby come out without an epidural, it was the BEST part, actually feeling it! I didn’t feel an ounce of pain, but just strength and excitement knowing I am doing this!
She was placed immediately on my chest, and we all gave a huge sigh of relief, and laughed, thinking that Sean almost had to catch the baby in the car and how we made it just in time! Everything that followed in the next few hours, was all that I had dreamt of. I was laying in a big comfortable bed, with Sean and Aubree laying next to me, and my proud sister capturing photos in all the excitement. I knew I had made to best decision for myself and our baby by transferring to a birth house and having a Midwife, because all my wishes were respected and wasn’t told to do a single thing. I pushed when MY body was ready to push, I laid however I wanted to be (although my water birth didn’t happen because the bath wasn’t filled up in time) and I love knowing I did it all on my own, without any drugs, or interventions. I was filled with joy while I was showed the umbilical cord and how white it was after delaying being clamped, my placenta was being placed in an ice cooler to be taken home by the birth assistant to encapsulate, while all the oxytocin is flooding my body as I’m looking down at my naked baby covered in vernix and latching on to my breast for the first time. From the start of my very first contraction until the moment she arrived, was exactly 1 hour!! One hour in my life where I felt more than I ever have in 28 years!
We were sent home a few hours later, where we all laid in our bed at 5am in awe that our little family feels so complete and non-stop talking about what had all just happened. I was never truly 100% confident that I really, deep down was going to rock this dream birth I had in mind, but I did, and have an even more profound love and passion for all things birth.
And although certain things didn’t go exactly as planned, like my Midwife, Katherine, not being able to attend, I feel even more lucky that I had her for my pregnancy and postpartum, AND another amazing midwife, Carolee, who was able to give me the best while in labor! Double the love! Or not giving birth in the water, or getting one single picture during labor, or having my daughter in the room because how quickly it all went- I respect and honor one of the last true beautiful mysteries we have in this world, childbirth. In the meantime, I am 2 weeks postpartum, and amazed with how quickly my body has recovered, I feel amazing, and my healing time was so much quicker than it was with my first child. I’ve had two appointments with my Katherine since, and I know after my last postpartum visit, I will walk away with a forever friend (Also, who I gave my daughters middle name after!) who always made me feel supported, loved and nurtured during my sacred rite of passage. I’ve never felt more of a woman, more of a Goddess, a creator of life, than I have 17 days ago.
